Lessons from the Funny Pages, Part 456

Yesterday's installment of Tim Rickard's Brewster Rockit: Space Guy. I've been thinking this for some time, too. You probably have as well:

This seems like a good idea, but there's not enough booze to make this work. From recovering lawyer Stephan Pastis' December 23 Pearls Before Swine:

Ed Kudlick, the fictional lawyer in Dustin, by Steve Kelley and Jeff Parker, engaged in this bit of wishful thinking on Christmas Day:

Ed Crankshaft is a great-grandfather in Crankshaft, by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis. But, I can attest from personal experience, this works for mere grandfathers as well:

Here is the text of the Potential Candidate Agreement, Promise and Pledge that the Cook County Democratic Party is asking all candidates to sign by Friday

A story about this document is at this link on Page One.

POTENTIAL CANDIDATE AGREEMENT,
PROMISE AND PLEDGE

  1.   I, the undersigned, recognize and understand that both the inherent and explicitly stated purposes of the Cook County Democratic Party (“Party”) include the following:

  (a)   That it attracts, endorses, and supports qualified Democratic candidates for election to public office; develops positions on issues of public importance; advances the ideals and principles of the Democratic Party; and seeks to improve the lives of the people of Cook County through effective, efficient, and fair government;

  (b)   That it welcomes persons who volunteer, contribute to, support, advance the interests of, or participate in, the activities of the Party;

  (c)   That the collective interest of the Party is best achieved by the coordinated and unified effort by Party members in all 80 wards and townships standing together in support of all those persons ultimately endorsed by the Party who form a cohesive slate of candidates reflecting the rich diversity within Cook County regarding race, color creed, national origin, gender, geography, physical ability and sexual orientation; and

  (d)   That the Party has the right to organize under rules and procedures of its own choosing; to exercise discretion in conducting its affairs, and selecting and disciplining its leaders, members, and nominees; and to enforce its own By-Laws.

  (e)   Further, the right of the Party to make nominations and endorsements is a political privilege which is exercised in accordance with the will of the Party, as expressed through its By-Laws, customs, conventions, caucuses, policies, procedures, and rules;

  (f)   The Party, through the Cook County Democratic Central Committee has the right to make endorsements for public office and to withdraw endorsements previously made; and

  (g)   The Officers of the Executive Committee of the Party, as well as the 80 Cook County Ward and Township committeepersons, serve the Party as managers of the political campaign and they are charged with the responsibility of advancing, organizing, and supporting efforts to secure the election of the Party’s endorsed and nominated candidates.

  2.   I acknowledge that Party endorsement is not a right but sought at my request. If earned, it is a political privilege. By freely and voluntarily seeking Party endorsement for nomination for a Cook County political or judicial office appearing on the ballot at the June 28, 2022 Primary Election, I understand that I am obligated to, and hereby agree, promise, and pledge to:

  (a)   abide by the Party processes and procedures for seeking such endorsement;

  (b)   produce such biographical, professional, and other materials, and supporting credentials documentation, evaluations, and recommendations as may be requested;

  (c)   accurately and honestly respond to any questions or inquiries made of me;

  (d)   if endorsed, timely provide my allocated proportionate share of financial contribution necessary to support and underpin the Party’s efforts on behalf of my candidacy and that of the entire endorsed slate of candidates.

  3.   In addition, should I be endorsed for a Cook County office by the Party for the June 28, 2022 Primary Election, I further agree, promise, and pledge as follows:

  (a)   I will not personally (or through my campaign committee or operatives within my control) engage in any activity “actively opposing” any other person who has been endorsed by the Party for nomination and election to a Cook County office. The term “actively opposing” shall mean to aid and/or assist a non-endorsed candidate with direct or indirect financial contributions, political workers and volunteers, political paraphernalia or advertising, and/or media, consulting, technical, polling, direct mail, social media or telephone-banking or similar support. Such adverse efforts serve to advance the interests of a non-endorsed candidate and simultaneously oppose the interests of an endorsed candidate.

  (b)   I will not personally (or through my campaign committee and operatives within my control “endorse” or “support” any other person who is running against anyone endorsed by the Party for nomination and election to a Cook County office. Consequently, I will not permit the use of my name, campaign advertising (including billboards, handbills, mailings, political paraphernalia, print, radio, signage, telephone-banking or robotic calls, television), campaign letterhead or literature, personal likeness/photograph, public statements, posts or communication on social media (including Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and the like, or email and text-messaging), and personal or campaign website to be used to aid, assist, advance, or promote a non-endorsed candidate.

  (c)   Specifically, if seeking endorsement for judicial office, and I am not endorsed but I am designated as an “alternate”, I will not run against any person who has been endorsed by the Party for any Cook County judicial office. My failure to abide by this provision shall result in forfeiture of my “alternate” status and withdrawal of any anticipated Party support.

  4.   I, the undersigned potential candidate, hereby voluntarily accept, endorse, subscribe to, and solemnly agree, promise, and pledge myself (and my campaign or operatives within my control) to act in accordance with the above principles. I understand failure to do so shall result in withdrawal of any endorsement which I may have received from the Party and exclusion from any of its activities or efforts which would have otherwise been undertaken on behalf of my candidacy.

[Signature line omitted]